Devendra Banhart - Middle Names

Devendra Banhart - Middle Names

Loose quote of the day

Pierre de Corbertin: The important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle, the essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.

I will wait...

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun

I Don't Know My Name

I am trying...
To find my way...

I haven't felt the way I feel today...

I haven't felt the way I feel today

in so long it's hard for me to specify.

I'm beginning to notice how much this feels like a waking limb...

pins and needles,

nice to know you,

goodbye!

Covers.. and covers :D

Out of the doubt that fills your mind...

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

I somehow find

You and I collide

Smile!

Smile. Miss you all the time. Smile.

2016.. you bastard...

E 2016 leva mais um... Infelizmente Bibiers e merdas do genero continuam... nada a fazer! Darwin tinha uma teoria... que faz sentido.

Don't Owe You A Thang

Tessellate

The look in your eyes is as sharp as a cold knife fighter...

The look in your eyes is as sharp as a cold knife fighter

Hard As A Rock .l.

"Não importa o quanto te submetes ao ridículo para rebaixar-me. Serei
sempre mais que isso tudo!"

JJ@ New York Times

Harder than a rock! 

Are You Leading a Life of Quiet, Screaming Desperation?

I was impressed by this magnificent text that describe so much the way I´ve been feeling recently. For a while wanted to describe it myself, just didn´t know how to start. This gentleman did and I will use his wise words to describe my thoughts! First of all, thank you for the help. Second, welcome to the most beautiful journey I ever lived.
Tiago

Why the immortal words of Henry David Thoreau are even more applicable now than 150 years ago when they were written. 

__ “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.” __

I think it’s fairly safe to say that most men see that quote and either feel uplifted that they are singing their song right now, or feel utterly depressed at how accurately it describes their life. I can say that happily I feel the former. It made me wonder– after reading this quote on a Sunday morning– why I am one of the seemingly few lucky men in the world who can say that. What is so special about me that I have actually made the life I want rather than going with the pack? Why do I get the seemingly rare privilege of living my dreams? Is it because I’m rich? Hell no. Is it because I was brought up in a free spirited household? Wrong again. The only reason I can figure is that I was never told how to live my life. Unfortunately, I was told that certain jobs (such as teaching) weren’t for me, because they weren’t a “man’s job,” but really that’s about it. My parents never told me that I had to get a corporate job and work for the man. I was never told I had to work long hours and bring home the bacon, drink beer and watch sports on the weekend or any of the multitude of gender norms that have been thrust upon men.

I was lucky enough to escape any of that “be a man” kind of talk when I was younger, which is why hearing it at the now age of 34 makes it so much more jarring and ridiculous to me. See, I’ve reached the age where it’s not my peers that question my life, but my elders who see me as not doing things the way they are supposed to be done in their eyes, because I’m not willing to compromise my own happiness for what is expected of me.

I was recently having a conversation about the difficulty of buying housing in Sydney (which has essentially turned into the island of Manhattan as far as real estate prices are concerned). I was told by someone old enough to be my mother that our generation was too materialistic, that we needed to “go without” more, that I shouldn’t buy wine or new shoes (two things I happen to enjoy). My contention was that I am financially responsible and a very conscious spender, so I’m not going to take all the enjoyment out of life to save a few more dollars and maybe take 2 years off a 30 year mortgage. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, what good does staying at home, never doing or experiencing anything do for me, just to save a few dollars? “Well, if you get hit by a bus your wife and daughter will get plenty of money at least”. And there it was, my life summed up in a single sentence: utility. My response came immediately – “well, that sounds like a remarkably shitty deal to me.” -

She just laughed that off in that way of “well, who are you to challenge the system?” Here is exactly why so many men feel that quote of Thoreau sums up their life. They work hard to buy a house, raise a family, retire and finally spend a few years actually enjoying life, and then die. We are not only expected to be the breadwinner, but we are expected to give up any kind of happiness, fun or our own dreams so our kids can have everything that we didn’t. If things go bad and end in divorce, we can expect to have to leave that house and everything we have worked for, continue paying it off and see our kids once a fortnight while we struggle to make a new existence for ourselves.

I think that’s an extraordinarily bad message to be sending to my kids. For my daughter, it sends the message that as soon as she has a child she should expect her husband to be of complete service to the family while suppressing any desires or hopes he might have. If I have a son, it tells him that as soon as he has kids that that’s it, you don’t get a say in things because you’re at work all day. Your money is used as your wife sees fit for the family, you get a crappy father’s day gift (because let’s face it, dads generally lose out compared to mother’s day), so if you want to spend any time living, do it before you get married. But how can he even do that? If you want to get married and have kids, you need to have a good, stable job so you can provide for that. That means you have to start early and devote your life to a career, so forget any kind of real living at all. Is it any wonder that younger guys have devoted themselves to video games, drinking and porn? Why should they aspire to what society has consigned them to when they will go to their grave with the song in their hearts never sung? Where is their prize at the end of all their work and sacrifice? Make fun of it all you want, but the reason that Tyler Durden’s words from Fight Club are immortal is because they described so many men’s lives.

But what then is the answer for the 40 year old who suddenly realises he wants to start living life on his terms when the above has been his status quo for the last 10-15 years? Women can just go all Eat, Pray, Love or even worse, The Wild Oats Project, and they are celebrated for chasing their desires and empowering others. Men do it and we are ridiculed for having a mid-life crisis. It’s society’s way of saying “get back in your man box and keep working, you don’t get to enjoy life just yet.” There is a way, however, to have what you want and avoid the ridicule (not that you should really worry about it anyway – who is anyone to question someone else enjoying life?).

If you’re unhappy, if you don’t like the way your life is going, you need to work out why. When you have a free hour, really examine where you are at and ask yourself why you aren’t happy. Ask yourself, what would make you happy? Work out what you really want – if you hate your job and career, start looking at new options. You don’t have to quit tomorrow, but start working towards it so there is an end in sight. You’d be surprised at how uplifted you feel when you have a new purpose to work towards. If you’ve always wanted to go and take a piano/painting/martial arts class, go and do it. The big myth about living a great life when you’re fed up with the one you’re living is that you have to throw out everything you’ve done up until now and start anew. All you actually need to do is start making small changes. One of those changes, in my opinion at least, is to actually start challenging the status quo. Too many men keep themselves trapped in this life of quiet desperation. The amount of times I’ve heard guys say “happy wife, happy life” or even worse “I have to ask the boss” depresses me. For God’s sake men, STOP IT. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to live a remarkable life. You have a right to make decisions that your spouse or others might disagree with from time to time. You have a right to stand up and be counted, and if it ruffles some feathers, so be it. Most importantly, you matter. You matter just as much as your wife and children and unless you can internalise this, you are going to continue sacrificing your happiness for everyone else.

Do you know the one thing I can remember my dad doing that really influenced me in this regard? He played golf. Every Saturday without fail, he was on that golf course for 6 or so hours. He’d play a round, have lunch and enjoy a couple of drinks with his friends. He never gave this up despite more than a couple of attempts by my mum. This was his time – during the week he left for work before 7am and was usually home just after 7pm. He’d spend time with us for the night and do it all again the next day. That Saturday was sacred to him and in my eyes he deserved every minute of it. He could have taken the whole day to himself and it would have been justified. That subconsciously taught me that I had a right to my own time.

My wife has always respected that I had my own life and pursuits – whether it was competing in judo, powerlifting or now writing. If I want to have lunch or dinner with a mate, she has never begrudged me. She understands that those activities and interests are what makes me who I am, and trying (or expecting) to take them away from me would make me dull, lifeless and not the man she fell in love with. My children will hopefully learn from me, just like I learned from my dad, that you matter as well, and you deserve happiness and the time to do the things that you love. I remember my recent job interview for the company I’m working at. I can’t recall the exact question, but I said that I didn’t want my tombstone to read something like “Peter Ross, family man, good at sales.” That if someone told me that was all that was in my future, it would depress me. One of the interviewers asked what I did want it to read, and I said that I wanted there to be so many things that you’d need to write a book to describe my life. When I’m in the ground I want my grandkids telling their kids about the incredibly rich life I lived, not that I was just a regular guy who worked at a company and died. The question I want to ask you is, what do you want your tombstone to read? What do you want your legacy to be? Most importantly though, if it isn’t your time now, when is it ever going to be? -

See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/are-you-leading-a-life-of-quiet-screaming-desperation-mkdn/#sthash.A2lqMhYY.dpuf

Wintergatan - WOW!!!

Blackwater, that feeling.

Been doin' a lot of hidin'

Tryin' to get away from myself - granny say

How you gonna live come tomorrow

Roll black water roll

Roll black water roll

I left home for the good life

But man I felt alone - daddy say

How you gonna live if you don't know which way up or down is

Roll black water roll

Roll black water roll

I woke up in a city

And I ain't know which way was home

Guess I'm gonna leave come tomorrow

Roll black water roll

Roll black water roll

Learn how to behave!

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it difficult to measure and to know what to do to improve it if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book, but unfortunately, most such tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

1. You have a robust emotional vocabularyAll people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.
2. You’re curious about people
It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.
3. You embrace change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.
4. You know your strengths and weaknesses
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and how to lean into and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
5. You’re a good judge of character
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

6. You are difficult to offend. If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You know how to say no (to yourself and others)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification and avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is a major self-control challenge for many people, but “No” is a powerful word that you should unafraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
8. You let go of mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
9. You give and expect nothing in return
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.
10. You don’t hold grudges
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

11. You neutralize toxic people. Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. But high-EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

12. You don’t seek perfection
Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
13. You appreciate what you have
Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood by reducing the stress hormone cortisol (in some cases by 23 percent). Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who work daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experience improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol play a major role in this.
14. You disconnect
Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even–gulp!–turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email with the power to bring your thinking (read: stressing) back to work can drop onto your phone at any moment.
15. You limit your caffeine intake
Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, which is the primary source of a fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.
16. You get enough sleep
It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough–or the right kind–of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.
17. You stop negative self-talk in its tracks
The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that–thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.
18. You won’t let anyone limit your joy
When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

This article originally appeared on Inc.com

The Joy Formidable

Some things in life deserve to be shared!